Sister2's Old Habit

Old habits linger around the edges of your aura like static cling. This morning, I went to the kitchen to start making breakfast and the first thing I did was go to the cabinet to eat a cookie. Had the thought of 2 cookies actually. I stopped and literally shook my head, trying to shake off the automatic reflex and closed the door. They say it takes 21 days to create a new life changing habit, but how long to erase an old one? One that has been my best friend for decades? Hand-to-mouth awareness level for today needed to be at a ten. Three occasions today I mentally registered this face stuffing autopilot mode and at one point had to pull a piece of cheese out of my mouth. I was preparing something for my daughter and ate a piece of cheese. The second it hit my tongue I reeled it back. Sounds so dramatic I know, but for me you see, it's a piece of cheese here, the leftover crust from the kids pizza there, a few extra french fries, a couple of squares of toast left on a plate, etc. And BOOM, I'm a double-wide with hail damage.

Then I had a visual. My old habit of shoveling in leftover scraps from my children's plates literally made me the household garbage disposal. The thought of that sickened me enough that I was charged with the strength of 20 skinny bitches and plowed through an afternoon at a three year old birthday party and ate only fruit. Passed on the burger and lasagna and never even saw the chips on the table, nor one bite of cake. THEN as if I was fueled by the will power of a supermodel on a Paris catwalk the family went to the pizzeria for dinner tonight. I ordered a large salad with lean white meat chicken and oil and vinegar dressing on the side. When we finished eating, I started to feel like a cartoon character while clearing the table. You know, when they have the devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other? A small argument was brewing, a battle of wills taking place, my new habit vs the old habit were debating the kids leftover pizza crust. However, I knew in an instant that today my new habit would win. I threw out the kids pizza crust into the garbage can and not into my mouth.

Yep, I'd say today was a good food day. A good food day indeed.

Off To A Good Start

Yesterday was pretty good eating day, though I wanted to start exercising and instead I went and got manicure and pedicure which were both needed. I however cleaned my house in the morning and actually worked up a sweat so I thought that was okay to count. Today my daughter for school had to go to a walk for MS which was a 3 mile walk. Normally I would just drop her off and go about my day. This time I walked with her but not for reasons I should have. She asked if I would go with her because none of her friends could make it. So I really just jumped on the chance to spend a morning walking and talking with my 17 yr old! But hopefully this will jump start my daily exercise.

13 orange perfectly triangular Doritos!

Yesterday's lunch did not satisfy me (Sister2). So today, with careful inspection, I sorted out 13 orange perfectly triangular Doritos for 4 Weight Watchers points to have with my lunch. Yup. It might seem like a waste to spend 4 precious points on Doritos, but oh! it was worth every bite. My 3 year old saw them in a neat little pile on my plate and said, "Chippy!" and then took his life in his own hands by reaching out to take a chippy from my plate. My eyes widened and I screamed, "NOOOOOOO!" His hand froze in mid air and I managed to get him to the kitchen for his own little bowl of chippies. Wow. That was close.

The rest of my lunch I thought about more carefully. Only 1 slice of bread with a lot of lettuce, 1/2 of canned chicken mixed with light mayo, freshly ground pepper, red onions, a Claussen Kosher pickle and baby carrots. All for a total of 8 points–I was thrilled and filled.

I ask you this. Is it normal to hold a Dorito to such a high standard? So high that it can not be shared with my son? Will there be a day that I eat healthy without ever thinking or measuring? Is that how skinny people stay skinny? Do they never eat Doritos?

Denial

I've been in denial about my up and down weight for almost 20 years. So, with denial comes the desire to eat more. What's the culprit? Doritos, chocolate, pizza, Chinese food, cookies, ice cream, bread, chocolate milk with whip cream, Bolthouse Farms Mocha Cappuccino... See what I did there? Already blamed the food and again denied my own responsibility. Right now, I take responsibility for the food that goes into my mouth. Seems so simple, yes? Ha! It's not. Today was a pretty good food day and required only 3 phone calls with my sister (Sister1) to discuss every bite of food and calculating points. Hopefully our decision to do our first sister joint effort to loose weight will be supportive and not sabotaging. We both can down a bag of chips (more on that detail later in another post) in one sitting. Not normal, we both know it's not NORMAL. We know what's healthy, what's not, yet here we are again, fat and fatter. Both the heaviest we've ever been. No more. Last night I signed up for Weight Watchers and Sister1 has her home kit. We are doing this together. Staying positive, staying focused and owning up to crap I've been feeding my face with.

Here I Go Again

Here I go again, another night when I say to myself this is it, tomorrow is the day I start my diet. What is different this time? Well this time around I have my sister teaming up with me. We are determined to do this together. No more excuses this is something I really have to do. So tomorrow I will make sure I go out and do some healthy food shopping. I am also going to start logging my food by using Weight Watchers tools. Right now I am not going to the meetings, but I am thinking of going in May sometime. They sent me a special invitation if you are a LifeTime member above your goal. Of course I am a LifeTime member who only kept her weight off for about a month after becoming a LifeTime member, I am now about 50lbs over goal and its been about 10 years since this all happened. So here I go again giving it one more try, I figure its bound to click one day right?