Floor to ceiling, wall-to-wall

I have been working out at my gym for a year now and am so happy that it is part of my weekly routine. I don't ever miss a scheduled day and managed to increase from two days a week to three. The people in the classes are friendly, the trainers are excellent and I truly look forward to working out and am having fun doing it.

With that said, at the gym the work-out classes are scheduled in a studio room with a gymnasium floor and their is exercise equipment along the walls. One wall however is completely mirrored. Floor to ceiling, wall-to-wall. It's rather intimidating. I usually try to stay closer to the back of the room to avoid my reflection and any attention or stares from behind. In almost all the classes, I am probably the heaviest person in the room and the idea of being too far up front is an uncomfortable feeling.

So, yesterday when I took a class that I never tried before (JAM! A mix of kickboxing and Tae Bo), I found myself somehow towards the front of the room, less than ten feet from the MIRROR. Oy! I was confronted with every inch of my body. To make things worse, I was then jumping, kicking and punching and jiggling in front of the magic mirror that strips you of all your lies and excuses you have made about food and your fat and all your left with is the damage you have done to your body. Instead of pity or self-depreciation, I decided I was going to kick ass in front of that mirror.  I am in weight loss mode and I was there to BURN IT! I gave it my all and am 'work-out sore' today. Which is good because I worked out different muscles in my body. I felt great, because 12 pounds down really has made a big difference already in my work-outs. I'm not breathing nearly as heavy and have a bit more stamina.

Also, a room full of women kicking and punching (albeit air) has an incredible vibe to it. Awesome! Moving forward today getting things in order and planning my meals. Love the feeling that I am in control of the food, instead of food controlling me. If you are also in weight loss mode or exercise mode or just trying to be a bit healthier today I wish you a good food day and that you get in a little fitness. At the end of the day you'll feel great and sleep wonderful!

Memorial Day

A bit morbid to think that today was a 'happy' Memorial Day, considering we are supposed to be paying tribute to fallen American soldiers. BUT, in regards to what this holiday means to so many Americans over the years this day gets complimented with BBQ's and food. There are two parts to my day: the one that involves how successfully I passed through the holiday eating delicious food and eating all of my WW points without going over. The second part is thinking about my grandfathers who both served and have now passed on and my dad who also served in the Army as well.

Part 1: The food. With just a little bit of planning, ie chicken burgers, chicken kabobs and salad, today's meal was yummy. My husband is a master on the grill and even prepared corn on the cob that was out of this world. I counted my points, ate salad and veggies and never over ate. I even had enough points to have REAL ice cream for dessert. Our closest friends joined us and the weather was hot and wonderful. Kids played in the sprinkler. Oh! And I even started the day by trying a JAM class at the gym. It's sort of like a kick boxing class. Lots of fun! So excited to have made healthy planned decisions and got in exercise. Such a difference from Saturday's double birthday party debacle.

Part 2: Both my Grandfathers and my dad served in the Army. I am extremely proud of them as Americans. Their service to this country means so much and I can only send prays and 'thank you' thoughts to all those who have fallen in war and to all those who are serving. To think of those sacrifices makes my 'food addiction' seem so stupid. But it is a real problem and hoping on days like this when reflecting on bigger pictures of things going on in the world I can get a handle on food and stay focused on being healthy for my children and becoming a fit American. They fought for our freedom, but not the freedom to overeat. And I do feel more Americans are waking up to 'food' and can't wait to see a future where we are a stronger country literally and figuratively.

God Bless America!

@*$&#!%

Today turned out to be a hot mess. The double birthday parties were loaded with food. I did manage to go through two parties and have no cake or ice cream, but I was out for 5 hours and neither party had diet soda or water and tons of food. First party I had half of a roll with tomatoes. Nothing else for two hours. Had some apple slices in the car and figured I was set for the next party. By then I was a bit hungry and food at party #2 was everywhere. I stayed wrangled but then had a burger on a bun with fresh basil and some broccoli that was in a sauce (?). Jake was snacking on some doritos and I just broke down and had a small bowl. Doesn't seem like a ton of food, but then we left to go home and needed to have dinner because by now it was 5:30! The day flew and I ate foolishly. We ordered Chinese food and I only eye ball measured. I was just so tired and hungry and DONE. Done with counting points and measuring. I didn't eat cake or ice cream or even a lot of chips. There was nothing for me to drink that was laced with sugar and I almost did a face plant in the mud with all the on and off rain storms.

Sister 1, I went over my daily points by 22!!! BUT luckily I hadn't touched any of my weekly points yet. Non-WW readers may not understand all this point business, but I technically didn't cheat, but still feel like I went way off the reservation today. Will power wasn't strong enough nor did I feel comfortable eating a banana while everyone was eating BBQ and deep fried turkey or meatballs and baked ziti...

Hoping the rest of the long weekend I am able to stay on track and make some better choices. It really makes you feel bummed when you have a 'bad' food day vs a 'good' food day. Even after 5 weeks into the 'diet' I'm reminded that I have really only taken baby steps towards healthy eating. I must find the patience and optimism to get back on track and remember this is a marathon I'll be running for the rest of my life. Food addicts have to be vigilant with every bite of food they put into their mouth.

Every single bite.

Because every single bite counts.

Double Birthday Parties

Tomorrow I have back-to-back kids birthday parties to take my kids to. Which means twice tomorrow I will need to refuse cake offered to me. I know on WW you can really eat anything, but I don't want to waste points on cake. Temptation will be high, food everywhere, chips in bowls, BBQ... Maybe tomorrow morning I'll do some meditation or yoga to find a happy zen place I can go to while 'Happy Birthday to You' is being sung. Mentally envisioning a goal for the day, preparing for the events like it's the Olympics. I will go for the gold, will be stay away from the food and stay focused on the kids. I will have an apple in my bag for emergency use only. I will drink plenty of water. I will resist temptation and hope they have a fruit tray. Seriously any words of encouragement send them over!

Calling it quits!

Ha! Got you on that one. But seriously I am calling it quits for the night. I have used all of my points, I'm tired and have no reason to stay up late. So, the theory is before I start getting hungry I should go to bed. If I'm asleep, I can't eat anything, right? Right?

Weigh-In for Sister1 - Week 4

Wow, I lost another 2lbs for a total of 10lbs in one month. I just can't believe I lost 10lbs when I ate chinese food, TGIF, movie popcorn (not once put twice), pizza, ice cream (not the diet kind either) and don't forget that damn Easter bunny too. That just shows how much more crap I've been eating and not holding myself accountable for. Now why wouldn't someone stick to weight watchers, I never deprived myself obviously. But like Sister2 said in her last post somedays you are so hungry nothing satisfies you and other days your left with maybe a couple of points. Go figure. All I know for now is the next month will be the toughest month ever. For these 10lbs pounds I've lost are the same 10lbs I have lost and found again over and over and over. I will have to do a lot of self talking to and to my Sister2 too.

Week 4 Weigh In for Sister2

This week brought on a deluge of food challenges. In review: I overcame circus temptations, portion controlled restaurant choices and ordering in. And then the last two days posed a different challenge. Hunger. So much hunger. Why? I was eating all of my points plus a few of the weekly points... and then it clicked. I was more active this week and must have kept my metabolism running and humming. What???? I have a metabolism? My body is actually burning fat? Somebody get the paddles because I think my heart is going to stop.So, I feed my body and I made the choices that kept me on plan.

Okay, no more teasing. Did I loose weight, stay the same or gain it all back with cotton candy? From the top of the Pocono Mountains I am yelling, "I LOST 3 POUNDS THIS WEEK!"

TOTAL: 12 pounds in 4 weeks. Thrilled with these results, absolutely positively feeling fabulous.

Week 5 goals:
1. Continue eating my daily serving of fruit and vegetables.
2. Water, Water, Water
3. Try to mix up some of my food choices to keep eating healthy feeling new.

For anyone needing inspiration, go to hulu.com and watch any season finale of the Biggest Loser. The group this season is amazing. So proud of them and anyone else embarking on a weight loss journey. Confronting your fat brings on a magnitude of mental issues and is like breaking up with your best friend, FOOD.

Good luck to all of you this week. Eat healthy and get active!

Triggers

Work is beginning to heat up and that means late nights at the computer. It's a huge trigger for me to go pour a big bowl of pretzels or chips and snack and work and snack and work and snack and work. It's a challenge because when you should be asleep and not feel your stomach growling, here I am up and starving. I still have weekly points so I popped some popcorn and plan on drinking tons of water. Also this week I have been more active, which I don't think is helping control my appetite. Sticking to my points and the plan and hope tomorrows weigh in rewards me. Stay tuned...

Feeling Better About MySelf and Scared At The Same Time

I am starting to feel a little better about myself. I don't feel as bloated as I did. My kids and husband also notice a change in my face. At the same time I am feeling scared. This is usually when I can start to get a little cocky too. You feel lighter and your clothes aren't as tight. I start to feel better and what do I do, I reward myself usually with food. I have to remind myself this is just the very beginning of my journey. Thank god I have my sister for support to help me continue and not give up. I need to get over this hump. Will it ever get any easier? I have to keep telling myself, I can do this just stick to the program. I am hoping when I lose at least 20/25lbs I will feel so much better that I won't look back and I will keep moving forward.

My Left Foot

Most people want to go on a 'diet' because they need to loose weight. Motivations include, "I have got to fit in that dress for occasion xyz" or "swim suit season" or "stomach fat, my clothes don't fit" or "OMG I have a double chin in every picture I take even when I stand straight and tilt my head up!". My motivation is one nobody really sees, at least not until recently.

When I was pregnant with my daughter 7 years ago my feet and ankles swelled unbelievably. Within a month or so of giving birth they went down. Then when I had my son almost four years ago, they swelled again–though not quite as bad. Within several weeks my right foot was 'deflating' but my left foot was staying a bit puffy. SO gross. Didn't hurt, but I asked the OBGYN about it and he'd just say, "Give it time. If it really bothers you ask your GP." Maybe a year goes by and I'm in my GP's office and I ask him to look at my foot. He tells me to watch my salt. I leave kind of pissed off because salt makes your whole body retain water not just the top part of one foot.

Finally this winter I go see a podiatrist for new orthodics (custom insoles for shoes, I have flat feet). I ask him and finally a doctor stops blaming salt and actually looks at my left foot and gives me a medical theory. When you're pregnant all of your joints get really loose. There is no doubt that my flat feet got wider after two pregnancies, but this last time the doctor thinks the fat pad from the bottom of my foot displaced and moved to the top of my foot. There is no pitting, no edema, just a cushiony little fat pad on the top of my left foot. Of course the answer is about fat.

Next my new orthodics come in and it's quite clear they are not going to fit into any shoe that I own. Even the doctor says wow these are really wide, but then places them on my feet to measure and says, "Nope, they fit just right." Oy. The mission now is to find shoes that will fit my giant orthodics and my left foot fat pad. At this point it's quite hilarious. I can only laugh. I go specifically to a running shoe store, though given my weight I clearly at the time was running no where. After trying on several sneakers the only ones that fit my orthodics and my fat pad are a MEN'S size 9EE. Yup. That's two EE's after that 9. Two widths wider than the widest women's sneaker (they stop at D). I'm slightly mortified, but they are on sale I buy them and run out the store (no pun intended).

Comedy hour. Our best friends come over and my husband cannot control himself. He MUST tell our friends about my giant shoes and everyone has to try them on (or really just slip them on). I'm not insulted in anyway because these giant shoes will take away my foot pain, so I truly laugh along. We call them clown shoes, say things like my feet block out the sun, etc. Really funny stuff.

I only happened to tell Sister1 about my secret left foot a few weeks ago and even she started laughing so hard I hope she was wearing a panty liner, because I swear she peed her pants. I can't help but think and HOPE that this 'diet' and some major weight loss will help bring my shoe size back into a women's shoe. Of course I think of wearing a swim suit or shorts for the summer (off limits for at least a decade), but seriously if I could get my feet down a shoe size or two when I hit goal I will be very happy. : )

Starving

Ugh!!! So hungry that I'm going to eat my digits. First night in a long time that I'm having trouble staying focused on eating balanced. Had a busy day in the garden, food shopping and finally making dinner. Making dinner in my house is like trying to perform in every ring of a three ring circus. My 3-year old has expressive language disorder and can be explosive when you don't know what he's saying and my 6-year old is well, 6, which is code for very annoying during dinner time. Cooking becomes stressful, drawn out and usually something is burnt. Tonight nothing got burnt and all arrived to the table hot, but I wasn't able to correctly point out my food before eating. I guestimated and decided to switch out parts of my dinner for less points, fearing I was going to go way over.

Well, it backfired because by this evening I'm so hungry and then figured out my official points and really under pointed myself. Learning lessons everyday and I'm assuming as time goes on I'll be able to guestimate better when the need comes. Too exhausted for fruit because I don't think I have the energy for all that chewing. Deciding on a WW Smart One Dessert and then going to bed. Can't wait for Week 4 to be over it's dragging on and on...

Proof is in the pants

Week 4 is posing all sorts of issues. It seems 3 out of the 4 days into the week I have been to the circus, out to eat or ordered in. For non-food addicts going to a restaurant or any of these issues are no big deal. The rest of us with food affairs going out to eat after starting a 'diet' is a nightmare. You read everything on the menu at least 3 times. Scanning, searching, analyzing every meal and ingredient all while talking yourself out of eating any bread from the basket placed on the table. Incredible stress.

Here's the strategy I decided to go with. First off, when I started Weight Watchers 4 weeks ago, I chose this 'diet' because I want to re-learn how to eat healthy, well-portioned meals. I also knew that I would not be able to control all of my food settings and that there would be many days that I would have to eat in the 'real world'. With that said, I am keeping my eye on the plan. If I only had ten pounds to loose, well things might be different. But I have a marathon of weight that needs to come off and I'm in this for the long haul. Salad is my new best friend. I have one everyday. My colon is thanking me for all the roughage. Hence, no matter what I order, I include a salad (with oil and vinegar). And then the mental calculations ensue. How many points do I have let for the day and do I plan on eating anything else later? What do I have left and then I order. See, I have to look at everyday as a whole. Ok, ok... it's starting to sound like a lot of work, but, I swear it's not. I now feel in control of the situation. Taking a few minutes to mentally scan what I plan on eating throughout the day is a huge safety net of relief. A couple of things go off in my brain, the biggest being that knowing I have more food planned for a later time, stops me from overeating at the current meal.

Rewiring my brain to see food in a new light is definitely a side effect I'm embracing. What I'm also embracing is what 9 pounds less looks like. Just 4 weeks ago a pair of pajama pants were getting way too tight. I took a picture of the new gap between those pants and my hip. Looking forward to the day I'm one of those amazing weight loss stories where I put both legs into one pant leg!

Yikes! Part 2

First off, circus was fantastic. My two children had so much fun and family time was very much in need. I have a slight fear of clowns and was not even bothered by them tonight when I saw how much my 3 year old son just LOVED the clowns. As I stated under Yikes! Part 1 I went to the circus with 1 point remaining for the day. I made a decision during the show with cotton candy sitting next to me that I was going to have some and enjoy myself and the festivities without sitting there and concentrating so hard about food. So, I had some. Not ALL of it, but some.

And you know what happened? Nothing. I had a wonderful guilt free night. Because I know that was an unusual circumstance and most likely not going eat cotton candy for at least another year or more or possibly ever. Then we went to the diner for dinner. I figured that I have to eat because I was hungry, but not starving because lunch really did carry me a long way. Sensibly I ordered a salad and grilled chicken with oil and vinegar on the side.

Here's the next big step I made today. I then came home and pointed out the cotton candy and salad and guess what? I only went of 8 points for the day. And even then, those 8 points were pulled from a group of extra weekly points that I haven't even touched yet.

Today I feel like a winner. I had some bigger point meals throughout one day than I have in fours weeks. I enjoyed my food, but did not ABUSE it. I did not overeat at any meal, I pointed all my food out, and I had fun with my family. It was a wonderful day all around.

Yikes!

OMG. I'm really off the deep end today. I have only one point left at 2:30 pm and we are going to the circus later. I changed my breakfast and normal lunch routine and trying to figure out what the hell I can eat later. Stay tuned...

I'LL TAKE IT! Weigh In for Sister1

I was very nervous today about weighing in. I was actually afraid of seeing the scale either stay the same or worse even go up a pound. The past couple days have been a real challenge to me. Why is it when it is that time of the month it has such control over me. I was craving everything and nothing was satisfying. I used all my 49 weekly points by Sunday night. I was determined to stay within my points on Mondayand Tuesday and eat as healthy as I can. Well Monday passed and I had another visit with the damn Easter bunny. So I definitely went over a little in points. Then Tuesday came and I actually did great the cravings left and I felt like I was in control again. I even had 4 points left at the end of the day. Which I usually never leave points unused but I figured since I went over on Monday this would make up for it. Well, I lost 2lbs, and I’ll take it. So now my total in 8lbs, very happy! It’s scary to see how in just a day or two you can lose control so easily. But obviously I knew this wouldn’t go so easily, I mean if it was going to be this easy I would of lost this weight along time ago.

Week 3 Weigh-in for Sister 2

Week 3 of eating healthy balanced meals and exercising and the results are continuing to be going in the right direction. I lost another 2 pounds. I'm now down 9 pounds total! YEAH! Very excited to enter week 4 knowing that this is working, however since I'm done more weight, I've also gone down another point in my daily food allowance on Weight Watchers. That means I have to continue to swap out foods that I'm eating and seek out even more healthier lower point options. Sister1 insists I'll enjoy plain Greek yogurt with a packet of Truvia and I'd be down a point in my yogurt. Other tips would be to eat more fruit and vegetables which I am struggling to get 6-8 servings in each day. Also, having a hard time getting in more water. I did buy skim plus milk just for me to knock my milk intake points down from 1% milk. Other changes this week have been switching to the Greek yogurt (vanilla) and yesterday as a personal goal I didn't have any diet soda. Changes are happening and in week 4 I'm going to try do the following:

1. Eat 6 servings of fruits and vegetables daily
2. Drink 6 servings of water daily

I'm betting just these two changes will help curb any unnecessary hunger and keep me from wanting to eat my digits.

Now, let's talk about feelings. How do I feel after losing 9 pounds? Emotionally pretty fantastic. For the first time in a LONG time do I feel mentally in the right place to want to eat right and get healthy. I'm not calling this a diet, because DIET is an awful word when you refer to it as 'dieting', whether it's a buy their food diet, no carbs, caveman, meat and cheese only, south beach, drink some funky liquid, colon cleanse, stand on your head or clicking on one of those pop-up web ads to find the hidden secret to belly fat diet. It's all terrible. This is about eating healthy, controlling portions and exercising.

That leads me to how do I feel physically? I definitely feel the changes to my stomach and face. Also, in my clothes slightly, energy level is up and mobility is a bit better.

Looking forward also to another week of blogging. 

Highlights of topics this week will be:


1. "Skinny chicks don't get it"
2. "Biggest Loser"
3. "Fat celebrities you really want to see succeed in their weight loss struggles"

Photo Food Journal

As promised by the end of Week 3 I would photograph my entire days worth of food. I'm calling it the 'Photo Food Journal'. For those of you familiar with Weight Watchers will understand the point system and that my entire food day photographed equaled 32 points. I didn't include specific serving sizes, let me know if you are really THAT interested for such details. Excited to see what happens on the scale tomorrow morning. Keep y'all posted!

I'm in heaven!

By noon of any given day now, before I eat a measured and pointed lunch I have an idea of how many points are needed for dinner and a possible snack for the evening. Today, I had leftover NYC pizza in the refrigerator from yesterday and being that Monday is a body pump class at the gym... well you see where I'm going with this, dinner needs to be fast and easy. BUT, you say, "What the heck? Sister2 you are eating healthy and on a 'diet', you can't eat pizza!"

Here's some background information and why I was so excited about my dinner tonight. MANY years ago on the older Weight Watchers point system 'diet', one slice of pizza I think was 8 points! Yikes! But now with the new system a slice of pizza is 5 points. One slice of pizza and a BIG side salad with a little oil and vinegar is an awesome dinner.

So, if you have the points, you can have your pizza and eat it to! BUT, wait there's more to this amazing deal! Tonight I purposely set aside points and planned to have two slices because I know I come home from the gym starving and wanted to feel satisfied and full. WELL! Since this was the first time I had two slices of pizza I was shocked to see that when I entered into the Weight Watchers online food tracker, it wasn't 10 points, it was 9! Surely I figured you just double the points for two slice, but sometimes certain foods the points are not just doubled by serving size. I learned this lesson this week for whole wheat bread as well. Two slices of whole wheat bread are 3 points, but white bread is still 4 points for 2.

WOW! An extra point has arrived for an even better more exciting evening dessert if I so choose. Because seriously, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I am really full from dinner!

PS Pizza's were topped with broccoli, garlic and fresh basil. YUM!

Fingers crossed!

So excited to know that because of Sister1 and Sister2 for not only joining Weight Watchers, but for blogging and motivating others we have two more family members joining WW online. One over the weekend and I believe the other one is joining today. I am not naming names, but as a family we can support each other so strongly. I'm thrilled to have a future of healthy fit women in our family and looking forward to more converts!

Bulk eating

It was just a matter of time before I (Sister 2) got to the subject of bulk eating. When you are a food addict it's not always about what you are eating, but about how much. It's a bit different than overeating. To me overeating is going back for seconds or thirds, simply eating excess, especially habitual. Bulk eating is seeking out large quantities the first time around. It's a state of mind where your goal is simply to try and satisfy an incredibly strong pull to stuff your face. For me it's opening a bag of Doritos and knowing I plan on eating the whole bag. King size bag of peanut M&Ms, ahem a bag of Gummy Bags, popping a bag of popcorn and having it all for yourself, a pint of ice cream... etc. 

With almost 3 weeks completed on Weight Watchers where do I stand on my bulk eating habits? So far,  I've been able to control what seems to be any supreme bulk eating of 'unhealthy' foods. But I'm concerned that I'm substituting unhealthy bulk sessions with healthy ones and I'm trying to figure out if that is okay. Am I really changing a bad habit?

I believe yes. I am changing a bad habit. If I am eating healthy foods that I count out as part of my meal plan for the day, then baby carrots beware! All I have been guilty of is eating a lot of salad. I have lost 7 pounds and am not going to beat myself up over past habits. I'm being self-awareness and am trying so hard to be conscious of all of my eating motivations. A food addict trying to lose weight is a struggle from one meal to the next. I'm just going to take one baby carrot step at a time.

Measure Twice, Cut Once.

There's an old adage when you are building or making a project, 'Measure Twice, Cut Once'. It's tried and true advice to avoid miss cut pieces of wood and having everything assemble perfectly. I seem to be adopting this little phrase to remind myself to measure everything that I eat first. Seems tedious yes, but it's really keeping me on track of controlling my portion size. Sure it takes a few extra minutes to count out fries or weight your chicken, but I figured out a few tips that keep me focused. The food scale, measuring cups and spoons stay on the counter at all times. Also, I do not pick on any of my meal until it is all assembled and I know I can sit down and enjoy 'my project' without interruption. I warn the kids to not bother me once I sit down to eat. In the past I would get up from the table what seems like a hundred  times while trying to finish one simple meal. Every time I got up from the table I'd feel like I never ate and then I'd over eat. Going for seconds and stuffing bits and pieces of food in my because I never felt like I was every eating. So, I plan, measure, count points, assemble and indulge on a well portioned, nutritious meal and I sit down and enjoy it. Now I find myself satisfied and full after every meal!

UGH!

Ugh! My last post was a casualty of the blogger malfunction. : (

Maybe my fat can disappear as quickly as my last post! LOL.

Just A Little Reminder

Every time you're feeling a little stressed or feeling like you might just want to give up just take a look at what you have accomplished so far. All we have to do is stick together and we can do this. What did you say 4 sticks of butter equals 1 lb well here is what 28 sticks of butter looks like which is equal to 7lbs!!

Weekly Weigh In For Sister1

Wow, 2^nd week and I also lost 3lbs for a total of 6lbs in two

weeks. I’m so happy I that number went down one the scale when I had TGIF’s, Chinese food and movie theater popcorn (and not the small bag either) all in one week. Plus I feel the monthly bloat starting to come on. I keep telling myself you can eat it all but in moderation. I ha

ve to say on WW you really do eat so much healthier. Though I tell myself this every time I am on program, I eat so much more food “real food” when I am following. The key is to be prepared. You have to plan your meals ahead of time. So if you’re a little stressed at least you know what you are having for your next meal and that might stop you from grabbing something that’s not so good for you. It is work but I guess this weight is not going to come off without putting some work into it. I really love that fruit and vegetables are 0 points now. I think that is helping a lot. In the past I would hate to waste points on foods like that instead I would save the points for snacks. Last night I cooked an amazing dinner. I used a recipe from the WW site. It was shiitake chicken stir-fry. It was amazing!

Weekly Weight Update

Wednesday morning is when Sister1 and I do our weekly weigh ins. We have two weeks under our belt of following the Weight Watchers online program and I'm excited to share the news that I have lost another 3 pounds. That brings my total weight loss to 7 pounds in 14 days. I'm hoping Week 3 will bring another 3 or 4 pound weight loss and I have to say the lower number on the scale is helping to stay motivated. This is not my first time doing WW. I did the program back in 1995 and lost 32 pounds. Again at work where a WW rep comes to the office to hold the meetings and I lost 35 pounds back in 1999. Those pounds have been back on my waistline for quite some time. I have not gotten back to the weight before I had my daughter in 2004, forget about what baby number 2 has added in 2007. Stressful work year last year was the clincher and added 20 pounds.

So what am I going to do to stay on track and make sure I don't falter? I will continue to keep my house stocked with fruits and vegetables. I will continue to measure out my meals so I stay on top of portion control. AND I am still following the 'slow down' technique that I started in week 2. As far as on the blog, I plan on taking pictures of all the food I'm eating in one day. That will definitely happen one day this week.

I leave you all with this thought of the day: For others that are trying to loose weight, every pound you loose is equivalent to 4 sticks of butter. I have lost in 14 days a total of 28 sticks of butter off of my body. WOW!

Aceso!

Take me to the Greek! Greek yogurt that is. Thanks to Sister1 in sharing the news that Greek yogurt is creamier and less points than most other yogurts I am now a convert. My preference so far is Stonyfield Organic Oikos Greek Vanilla Yogurt. YUMMY! Especially with 12 almonds added to it! Yippy skippy!

And so the title of my post is Aceso, a Greek Goddess of healing process. Because if some Greek yogurt can keep me in line and help me get through rough 'food' days, then I am on my way to healing. I will channel Aceso as I try to heal my mind and body for years of neglect and food abuse. I know 13 days is not enough time to melt away all the pounds or fade away all the compulsions to eat, but that's what I like about Aceso. Loosing weight is a process. I know years of poor eating will take time to undo. And really, can it hurt to align yourself with a Goddess for motivation?

Withdrawals

Today has been beyond challenging. I literally feel like I'm having withdrawals from junk food. The cravings are so strong that my skin feels like it's crawling for something salty, possibly followed by something sweet. And usually this demand for food is about quantity, long sustained snacking is what seems to quiet this ravenous urge. With that said I have been determined to stay within points and remember not to trash the whole day because Wednesday morning when I step on that scale I will be devastated to not see results this early in the weight loss process.

Good news though... I have ended the day using exactly all of my points. I did not go over by even one. I do not feel guilty, but am upset to have thought about food every second of the day today. I was busy with work, busy with my son and even went to the gym, but the entire day my mind has been consumed by thoughts of what am I going to eat next and when? My food journal reflects this because I used more points for snacking today than any other meal! Almost half of my day went to snacking points.

When I have days like this I get scared and nervous about my future in regards to when I loose the weight, will I keep it off? All I know is that it's going to take awhile to drop these pounds and hopefully by the time I'm ready to maintain I will be in a better food place mentally. For now, I'm taking it one meal to the next.

Longest Weekend of My Life

Thank god the weekend is over. Way too many challenges to deal with. When most people enjoy going out for dinner or movies, I sometimes feel it’s too much to worry about. Especially when you first start a diet, I feel like it’s too soon to be out in social situations with food. It’s kind of like being an alcoholic and telling them to hang out in a bar all weekend and you’re not allowed to drink, or when you first quick smoking and your hanging out with all smokers. Though I never had a drinking problem, I have quit smoking for many years now. Though it took me a couple of years of off and on I finally quit for good. I would have to say trying to lose weight is 100 times harder. At least with drinking or smoking you know you can’t have a drink or a cigarette. But with dieting you can’t give up food altogether. You have to eat to live. But anyway I would say I did okay this weekend, I could have done better but I definitely could have been worse. It started on Thursday when I went to TGIF’s which I found to my surprise had some good healthy choices. My next challenge was Saturday night we ordered takeout Chinese food. I actually used my measuring cups to measure my food and stayed within my points. Now Sunday was not so good. I had about 29 points left in my weekly allowance. I was going to movies. There is something about movies and popcorn that I can’t give up, not yet anyway. I skipped lunch and had popcorn. I decided to use my 29 points. I did though see a change. Usually if I blow a diet early in the day I would continue with a bad day. Instead that night when I had dinner I measured all my food and when my husband offered me a skinny cow ice cream I actually passed. I have to say knowing I have the support of my sister2 also put me back on track.

Mother's Day

Today was a gorgeous and wonderful day. Spent time with my children, weather was fantastic, and my husband made breakfast for me (asking politely what I can have, so supportive!). The day was spontaneously planned and that included the food. Eating spontaneously and not planning meals is a sure fire way to ruin a diet. I did pack a cooler full of healthy snacks and bottles of water, but by 2:00 and a full two hours of walking we were all starved for lunch and ended up at a local diner.

I admit it, I splurged a bit. Ignored Sister1's advice to order chicken and a backed potato with spinach and ordered a turkey club, hold the mayo. It was a triple decker on whole wheat, but I knocked it down to a double decker, hence removing 2 points immediately by removing one slice of bread. Turkey, smart choice. But it wasn't the turkey that was the problem. It was the delicious pile of curly fries that I pointed out at 11. Worth every one.

Between breakfast and late lunch I was left with 3 points. Luckily I was really full and dinner was an apple. It should have ended there. BUT, since Friday I have been set on eating a dessert today. A Betty Crocker Cookie Brownie, which I've been calling Browookie. I ate it, yup, actually ate two servings. I only went over my points by 4 today and borrowed into my activity points that I earned.

I'm not ashamed or feel like I'm off the wagon. I've got to learn that occasionally I can have a treat, but the key word is occasionally, not something that I should be eating everyday OR multiple times in one day. And that spontaneous eating is something that I will need to wrangle. I will not always be in the safety zone of planned eating. Baby steps, yes?

Slow down!

Another change I've been trying to manage while I'm eating is to slow down. I was eating so fast that by the time I finished I was looking for more food because my body hadn't had a chance to register it was full. So, I sit at the table more often and not at the computer or the TV and I take my time eating. Also, I have been taking pictures of some of my meals, forcing me to take extra care to appreciate what I prepared. Cooking is not one of my strong suits and the effort I am putting into my healthy meals
deserves recognition.

SLOW DOWN! I will read labels and investigate and compare before consuming anything.
SLOW DOWN! I will take the time to appreciate the planning and preparation of the meal.
SLOW DOWN! I will savor my meal.

Next time you take the time and effort to prepare yourself a meal, slow down. Enjoy every bite, it's totally worth it. Bon appetit!

Power Foods

I'm only in my second week with Weight Watchers and there is so much information on their website that it's really an amazing resource for healthy food choices. They have a section of foods called Power Foods. Foods that are low in points, but high in impact for filling you.

Okay, hold the thought about Power Foods and you'll see where I'm going with this quickly. Tonight for dinner we decided to go to Chili's. I ran to the computer (hmm, maybe that run will count as an activity point?), anyway, I looked up Chili's in the point system and found a chicken dinner for 13 points! Nice. I had 18 left, so after dinner I have 5. I'm no mathematician, but to me that equals enough points for a little dessert!

After waiting for 30 minutes for our dinners and staring at a bowl full of chips on the table that I did not touch, a wonderful grilled piece of chicken with chopped tomatoes served over a SMALL bed of rice and then encircled by black beans arrived. I say to my husband, "Wow, look at all these beans! Did you know that black beans are a WW Power Food?" He looks at me seriously and says, "Black beans, a Power Food? No surprise there." Then is dawned on me. I finally find something low in points, but I have a feeling I will be paying for this tasty dish all night.

It's Official

I officially joined WW online yesterday. This will be my (can't even remember) time I have tried to go back to WW. I keep telling myself just stick to the points and you will lose the weight, how hard can that be right? Last week I started counting points on my own, I lost 3lbs! That was excellent considering I wasn't following the program to the T. I was satisfied everyday but like I said I wasn't being perfect. Yesterday, I officially started. I entered all of my points online and I have to say I went to bed hungry. I did however run out of fruit so I didn't have those 0 point snacks to choose from, or is it just now that I am officially counting I need, I mean I want more points.

Tonight will be a big challenge for me, going to TGIF's not my choice, it's for a fund raiser for my girls lacrosse team. I am determined to make a healthy choice, wish me luck.

The 'Salad Pocket'

Yesterday while I'm waiting at the deli counter at the grocery store, I start looking at sandwich bread options. See, while on Weight Watchers you become aware quickly that bread is a lot of points. Most bread is 2 points a slice. That's 4 points for a top and bottom of a sandwich that you haven't even filled yet. No one eats a sandwich on 1 slice of bread!

Deli counter, yes... I see something called a 'Salad Pocket'. Oooo, aaaaahhhh! I pick it up and basically it's a bunch of pitas cut in half, stacked/stuffed inside one another and repackaged as the 'Salad Pocket'. I was about to put it back down and then a light bulb went off. I bet this little pocket is less than 4 points and it has a top and a bottom.

I bought them. Yes, they are 3 points per 'Salad Pocket', taste just fine, but I feel a little foolish that despite being in advertising for 16 years, I fell for the pita cut in half dressed up as a 'Salad Pocket' advertising gimmick.

Next time, I will just buy a bag of pitas and cut them in half myself. I can only imagine they are a few dollars cheaper and maybe, just maybe I can find one where the top and bottom total 2 points!

Numbers

Numbers rule our world. Phone numbers, social security numbers, pin numbers, account numbers, vin numbers, birth dates, addresses, which are all constant. Some are even famous, Area 51, LOST's winning lotto numbers, dates like July 4, 1776. Well, one number that is all too flexible is the number on your scale, that's right it's how much you weigh. For those of us food addicts, it is a number that can change by 5 in a single weekend. And the vehicle in which helps you measure this number is a called a scale. I don't have an illogical fear of the scale (not like the one with clowns), but it does cause some apprehension to stand on it when you know you are not eating right or exercising. BUT! This week have have eating balanced uber healthy meals, using portion control and exercising. And it paid off, because THAT number went down.*

Drum roll please...

 I

lost

4

pounds!


Excellent! So excited and pleased with myself for being vigilant, self-aware and finally starting to fill my body with nutritious food. Cheer for me during the week, so next week the numbers game can once again be in my favor. Also, more pictures to come of my 'WTH can she be eating and still lose weight' meals.

*Study design: Today's weight was taken consistently within the same environment, time of day and article of clothing (which is none, because nobody who is trying to loose weight wears clothes on the scale) as last week. n=1

Black Pants

Besides being irrationally overweight, I've got a thing about organizing my clothes in my closet by color. This morning, as I hung my clean clothes up I took count on how many pairs of black pants I own. Here's where I stand. Eight pairs. Two yoga pants that are exactly the same, two pairs of black trousers that are exactly the same but in different sizes, two sweat pants, two cropped pants. Six out of eight are elastic or draw-string. What does this mean? Why make the point? Because I'm most likely describing the pants situation of MANY other overweight women's closet. No cute skirts or shorts or capris or prints or fun colors. Black pants hide lumps and bumps, black pants in our minds are creating some mysterious illusion that we are not as heavy as we really, truly are.

Today is Day 7 of my healthy eating and counting WW points. And as I went through the day I had a few moments where my head was ringing bells for cookies or chips or snacks (specifically demanding large quantities-also where do these thoughts come from is another blog all together). I tried really hard to stop and listen to other parts of my body, like my stomach which was full and content from lunch. I drank my water and dreamed of skirts and shorts and light colored pants, thin material... clothes in single digit sizes! Motivating? Yes. Because I not only want to loose the weight, but the black wardrobe along with it.

Sister1? What's your black pant number?

GYM

For almost a year now I've been going to the gym steadily. Which is great, right? However, I've been under the illusion that 2-3 times a week at the gym was going to counter act 40-60 work hours a week sitting at the computer and 20 pounds of overeating, stress eating, binge eating, comfort eating, late-night working eating, creative concepting eating, status meeting eating, second breakfast eating and snack eating. So, I can choose to look at this past year of exercise two ways: 1. Basically I've been torturing myself at the gym for a year because I was never going to loose any weight while abusing food. 2. Basically if I didn't go to the gym during the past year I would have gained even more weight.

I'm going with #2. Moving forward with a positive attitude. I am now on Day 6 of measuring, calculating and pointing out my food. I feel in control of my eating for the first time in YEARS! Made it to the gym tonight for an hour long Les Mills Body Pump class. I've been using really light weights and think next week I'm going to add more weight to the session. Going with the plan that as I continue to diet AND exercise, the melting fat will reveal the fit woman that I seemed to have swallowed whole.

Top 5 reasons when you know you hit bottom

You know how they say you have to hit bottom before you realize something has to change. We'll I literally hit bottom. Here are my top 5 reasons when you know you hit bottom:

1. Can't have the haircut I want because it will even bring more attention to my double chin.

2. Sleeveless shirts, really try not to wear them anymore because my arms are way to big.

3. Shorts are out, for a couple of years now.

4. Capris and crop pants no longer like to wear cause my ankles look as swollen as when I was

nine months pregnant in the month of July and that was 12 years ago.

5. Top five reason when you know you hit bottom, when you go to the shoe store and try on a pair of shoes that are actually really comfortable but you daughter says to you they kinda of make your feet look a little chubby. Are you f***ing kidding me!!! What could possible be next, my ear lopes???

Food Addict Test

Are you a food addict?

1. Have you ever wanted to stop eating and found you just couldn't? YES
2. Do you think about food or your weight constantly? YES
3. Do you find yourself attempting one diet or food plan after another, with no lasting success? YES
4. Do you binge and then "get rid of the binge" through vomiting, exercise, laxatives, or other forms of purging? YES/NO. Binge eating yes, never thought of bingeing either like food to much to waste it.
5. Do you eat differently in private than you do in front of other people? YES
6. Has a doctor or family member ever approached you with concern about your eating habits or weight? YES
7. Do you eat large quantities of food at one time (binge)? YES
8. Is your weight problem due to your "nibbling" all day long? YES
9. Do you eat to escape from your feelings? YES
10. Do you eat when you're not hungry? YES
11. Have you ever discarded food, only to retrieve and eat it later? NO
12. Do you eat in secret? YES
13. Do you fast or severely restrict your food intake? NO
14. Have you ever stolen other people's food? YES
15. Have you ever hidden food to make sure you have "enough?" YES
16. Do you feel driven to exercise excessively to control your weight? NO
17. Do you obsessively calculate the calories you've burned against the calories you've eaten? NO
18. Do you frequently feel guilty or ashamed about what you've eaten? YES
19. Are you waiting for your life to begin "when you lose the weight?" YES
20. Do you feel hopeless about your relationship with food? YES

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, then you may be a food addict. You are not alone. FA offers hope through a real solution to food addiction.

Hey Sister2 I got you beat. I answered 16 out of 20. Do you think I might be an addict too or what??

Food Addict Questionaire

For many years, Sister1 and I (Sister2) have clearly stated we are food addicts. Little did I know that there is a Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous and that they have a questionaire you can take to determine if you truly are a Food Addict. Come, take the test with me and see how you do!

Are you a food addict?

1. Have you ever wanted to stop eating and found you just couldn't? YES
2. Do you think about food or your weight constantly? YES
3. Do you find yourself attempting one diet or food plan after another, with no lasting success? YES
4. Do you binge and then "get rid of the binge" through vomiting, exercise, laxatives, or other forms of purging? YES/NO. Binge eating yes, BUT I love food too much to ever think of purging!
5. Do you eat differently in private than you do in front of other people? Absolutely
6. Has a doctor or family member ever approached you with concern about your eating habits or weight? YES
7. Do you eat large quantities of food at one time (binge)? YES, ie 4 slices of pizza, easy.
8. Is your weight problem due to your "nibbling" all day long? YES
9. Do you eat to escape from your feelings? YES
10. Do you eat when you're not hungry? YES
11. Have you ever discarded food, only to retrieve and eat it later? NO
12. Do you eat in secret? YES
13. Do you fast or severely restrict your food intake? NO
14. Have you ever stolen other people's food? YES, my children's McD's french fries.
15. Have you ever hidden food to make sure you have "enough?" NO
16. Do you feel driven to exercise excessively to control your weight? NO
17. Do you obsessively calculate the calories you've burned against the calories you've eaten? NO
18. Do you frequently feel guilty or ashamed about what you've eaten? YES
19. Are you waiting for your life to begin "when you lose the weight?" NO, but was waiting for it to be 'calm' or 'easy' or less stressful before thinking I was able to lose weight. Apparently there is no such time.
20. Do you feel hopeless about your relationship with food? YES

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, then you may be a food addict. You are not alone. FA offers hope through a real solution to food addiction. 

WOW! I answered YES to 13 out of 20 questions. WOW, WOW, WOW. Holy shit. Taking a minute to reflect. 

***************************

Okay, see I said in the beginning I'm aware that I'm a food addict, but it's a term I have thrown around as a general statement, but at the bottom of this test it says I only had to answer YES to just one of these questions and I answered YES to 13! Oh, Sister1, please take the test and let me know how you fair!