Season 2

The blog posts have definitely been far and few between, but the commitment towards the challenge of losing weight has not ended. The two sisters continue to struggle. Our efforts some days are fantastic, while other days prove to be overcome by daily stress and binge eating. Good news is that both of us have embraced exercise for some time now. Results for me are evident in excellent overall blood work from my doctor. No signs of my obesity damaging my body, yet. However, this news should not make me complacent in the goal to shed pounds. I'm back on the wagon and though only day 3 in the process of logging my food into myfitnesspal, 3 days is like a miracle and I am proud of these glorious efforts to ward off junk food and sugar.

Meeting with a trainer for some time now, plays into my psyche. As hard as I work out and am sore for days on occasion, it all should be enough of a reminder to keep nonsense eating at bay, but the mental game of thinking that you work out is a license to eat more is a myth of sorts. A few hundred calories burned is there for replenishment of healthy food, not cookies. The trainer reminded us that working out is only 20% of your weight loss efforts, 80% is what you put in your mouth. I embrace that 20% with great effort, but for years is seems that 80% still alludes me. I know what I should be eating, I know what's healthy and what's not, then why does one choose poison still in an hour of stressful need?

One day I hope to get to the root of this self sabotage and hope to overcome this behemoth obstacle. Or any chance of loosing and KEEPING it all off will never happen. I love the feeling of muscle in places that I have not in so long. Working out brings a high and feels wonderful to have sweat drip off of me. Will that ever be enough to motivate me to stay on the path of healthy eating? I'm not sure and only time will tell on how I embrace it all.

Over the weekend I had a BBQ and the blog was mentioned and Sister 1 agreed that we should be making entries again. Someone shouted, make it 'Season 2'! So here begins another season, another year of our efforts towards health, feeling good and shedding pounds that will otherwise one day damage our bodies for good. Hoping this years efforts to convert to healthier habits will further be engrained on our psyches and that the futures holds what we are both so desperately seeking.

Girl Scout Cookies

Ah! Just my luck while embarking on the weight loss program through the gym my daughter's Girl Scout Cookie orders were full filled. My first instinct was to find a way to cookie proof myself from those tiny delectable morsels. Solution? I put them in the freezer.

However, from time to time, like little whispers, I hear them. Calling to me. The thing is, Girl Scout Cookies (specifically thin mints), are SO good. If you eat just one, you'll eat the whole sleeve. Yes, a sleeve. They come in two plastic sleeves in one box and the are so light and yummy, the before you know it, you've eaten a sleeve of those tasty suckers.

But, what I have to remember, and have now designed a reminder, that they seem light and yummy BEFORE you eat them, but AFTER, they are 160 calories sticking to your ribs. Same single serving size of cookies, but after you eat them, BOOM! fatty fat fat fat.

Strength

There's no doubt that the last four months I have been doing a lot of thinking. After the bear attack, I clearly started looking at myself differently. Immediately after the incident my concern was recovery and feeding my wounds (physical and emotional). Literally, with lots of food. It was a short time after the holidays that a switch flipped. I needed to get back to exercising and eating right. The binge needed to end. I was in a prime mortal frenzy of eating. Just needed to comfort my soul. Nothing was safe in the house from being consumed.

The switch. I finally was processing the events and realized I was so much stronger than I ever thought. It's been small steps that are mostly applying to my need to be in better physical health. Like making the break and jogging faster and faster on the treadmill. Pushing myself harder to workout more often. I came out the other side of a most unexpected event in life and feel better about myself than I realized I have in a long time, if ever.

In addition, I've been doing a little research about animal totems after a suggestion that I have now been marked by a bear. The 'medicine' that Native Americans feel a bear has is actually about introspection. Finding the answers to the questions inside us. And boy, have I been looking inside my mind. To be quite honest I feel like I'm seeing myself clearly for the first time. I am so much stronger than I ever knew I was. I run faster every time I get on the treadmill, I push myself more physically than I have ever in the past. Mentally, I am fighting to be more confidence. I want to find my voice. I know that it's there, because that night my inner voice spoke to me. Deep inside, unprovoked I spoke to myself. And what it told me got me through those following weeks.

This crazy animal attack is not going wasted. I'm using these feelings as a self-growth exercise. Tremendous strength and courage are in me and I want that to come out all the time. Not just in a life saving/changing moment. Because the life I am trying to save and change now is mine. I have got to loose the weight. I can not go on like this. Every workout and everyday that I eat healthy will get me one step closer to this goal.

Cannot say enough about all of this. But in regards to my weight and it's battle, this poem below about bear totem's speaks to me so loud and clear, every word of it. If you have a special connection with an animal, do yourself a favor and research the totem. You might just have some really good medicine on your side!

Bear totem poem:

Deep in slumber, dreams unending,
Wise old bear, patient, strong,
Send me dreams of transformation.
Grant me intuition along
With introspection of my life,
Inner listening, no more strife.

3 diets at once, that's crazy talk!

I'm in my fourth week of joining the 30-30-30 weight loss program at my gym. In addition, I'm using sparkpeople.com to track fitness and calories. All while continuing to count my points on Weight Watchers. Apparently I have lost my mind. It sounds crazy, but each is giving me a different perspective about what I'm putting into my body from a nutritional stand point and the gym program is really teaching me to push myself harder when I work out (and HOW to work out properly). Good news is that in 3 weeks I lost 8 pounds. Bad news is that I'm still 6 pounds up from my lowest last year. Making it a total of 26 pounds, not 32. : (.

Five things that I have learned so far:
1. When eating more fiber you must increase your water, because fiber absorbs water. So drink up!
2. I really can run on the treadmill. Now up to 5.5 mph for 1 minute spurts.
3. Zumba really is fun. Love it!
4. Narrowing down the #1 food trigger: work related stress.
5. Finally, I know what my sodium intake is on a daily basis (thanks sparkpeople!)

Unexpected Support

Sunday, brought the challenge of attending a children's party. I had the points, but quite frankly didn't want to use them on junk food and cake. I began by keeping myself busy with helping set up a few last minute details. But still managed to eat a handful of cheese puffs while watching the kids in the bouncy house. I could have earned some activity points and jumped around in the bouncy house, but quite frankly I could see myself getting stuck in the smallest little entrance hole I'd ever seen.

Just as thoughts of eating cake started to float in my head, a fellow mom on Weight Watchers said NO WAY was she eating cake. She had no more points. And cake isn't just a few points, it's like 9. That's a whole meal! Her will power gave me the strength to help pass the cake around, but not eat it. I'm so proud of myself because I had just cake Saturday night. Two pieces of cake in one week is a no no. Call it borrowed will power, but the unexpected support of this woman helped keep me strong and pass on the cake. Yeah!

Sauerbraten

This past Saturday, my Dad turned 75th years old. The family celebrated at a wonderful little German restaurant for lunch. I did pretty good on controlling my eating and had the points for cake later. Celebration and food walk hand in hand and indulging is a given. However, I'm trying really hard during this first week back to stay on tract and not cross the line of over eating. I studied the menu ahead of time and looked up the points to my favorite dishes. I was prepared and pointed. It seemed almost all of us at the table had our eye on a German favorite, Sauerbraten! Wunderbar! Guten Appetit! The evening ended with really good laughs (which I'm convinced must earn you activity points), photo opportunities and hugs and kisses before departing. Happy with how the day ended on so many levels. Time with my family is easy and fun. We can joke with each other and always have a good time. Happy Birthday, Dad!

Running on the treadmill

Since I joined the gym over a year and half ago, a little fear I have had was to run on the treadmill. I would just envision myself falling flat on my face. This week while walking on the treadmill, I just felt like I had to run. All built up inside of me was this energy ready to pop out! I upped the speed and just started jogging. I went for it. That's all. Just started a nice easy jog. I jogged in spurts, a minute at a stretch. And I didn't fall! It seems miracles are happening everyday in my house. Still four more days to go to complete the week, but I feel confident I can do it. Like someone just picked me up and put me back down on the right path.

Nothing short of a miracle

Okay, okay, so every person trying to loose weight knows you should weigh yourself just once a week and later when maintaining, just once a month. Let's get this straight right now, I know no one that while trying to loose weight doesn't go on the scale EVERYDAY. Yup, everyday. AND good thing I did. Because after one day of pointing out my food and exercising I was down 4 pounds. It's given me the immediate motivation I need to stay on track. Woo hoo! First thing I did was call Sister 1 for a conference. We call this initial weight loss, the 'water weight release' or 'not real fat loss'. It's just a loss of the temporary bloat your body is ready to get rid of at any moment.

Day 2 back on the wagon went really well. No exercise today though, but a lot of smarter choices made throughout the day. Even going to bed with 1 point left. Yep, the whole day for this food addict was nothing short of a miracle!

Dusty

If this blog were a book, it would be covered in dust after having been put on a shelf long ago. Almost 5 months TwoSistersWithOneBigFatProblem has had to take a back seat. An update is in order. September for me, Sister 2, brought long grueling work hours—most weeks were easily 70-75 hours. Blog was the first to go as work ramped up. Eating properly was a close second. So, by the end of September I was up 2-3 pounds. Managing those kind of work hours, two children, a house, etc. for me gets quite stressful. And stress is the trigger for me. Like runners lined up for a sprint waiting for the shot to GO! my food addict habits are just under the surface of my skin waiting for the opportunity to take back the lead in the race to control my weight. October is a blur, it involved some heavy doses of Halloween candy, ignorance that a scale lived in the corner of my bathroom and pants were getting snug. All this time my only saving grace was that I was still getting to the gym. However, I felt ashamed feeling the new work out clothes I desperately needed were getting tight and was feeling like I was stuffed in a sausage casing.

It would be wonderful to stop there in the story and reveal some glorious epiphany that puts the brakes on the out of control eating. But no. By the beginning of November I'm up 7 pounds. And now my update takes a terrible twist. A turn of events that put the blog, weight loss, the gym, my work... all on hold.
 

At 9:30 pm, the night of November 10, 2011, I let my dog out for 'final pee-pee' without visually scanning the 1 acre of fenced in area first. Little did I know I let my dog into our yard that had two black bears in it. The sounds of animals fighting was immediate and so was my reaction. Me, Sister2, ran out barefoot to rescue my dog from being mauled to death. Without knowing what my 90 pound German Shepherd had gotten tangled up with, I found myself in seconds face to face with a Mama black bear protecting her cub. She swatted me and my dog. Mere seconds passed and the incident left me with a 5 inch gash to the head that later required 22 staples, a partially severed pinky and a bite wound to my right hand and wrist from my own dog.






It's 9 or 10 weeks now from the event that had/has turned my household upside down. I was hospitalized for an infection for 5 days, had to get rabies shots, addressing bulky scar tissue issues and have to constantly exercise my hands. My dog had to have surgery and is recovering nicely, despite half his body having to have been shaved.



So what happens after a bear attack? How does one move on with sticking to a diet? For me, I said hells bells, I'm eating. Every moment was about comfort food for my soul. I really wasn't thinking about anything else. Thanksgiving and Christmas rolled in with fanciful delicious food and I needed to eat and take stock of life. New Year's rolled past and here we are in 2012 with the need to put this event behind me growing in my mind. It can no longer stop me from getting my focus back on track. My health is so important to me and my family. I feel I have been recovering as well as I am because I HAD been going to the gym, working out, and eating right for so long. If I had all that weight back on me from last year, boy that would have been horrible.


Today, I woke up with a spark. A spark to help ignite my will power, my soul, my everything to engage back into weight loss mode. I started with honesty. I went on the scale and am now 14 pounds up from all those 32 I lost last year. I am not upset. I was attacked by a bear for cryin' out loud! I feel it in me to take control again. I logged back onto WW site. I downloaded the amazing bar code scanner tool that tells you the points of what you scan. I went to the gym and RAN on the treadmill (earned 3 activity points). And am back to the blog.



Today a spark, tomorrow a blazing fire. I will not give back all those pounds. NO WAY. And seriously don't mess with me, because I apparently am in the business of wrestling bears. Hmm, I wonder how many activity points you can earn for that?